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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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It is argued that in today's world, the population of rural areas is falling slightly,
as a result
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 of the migration of citizens to capital
cities
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. I personally believe
this
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 matter is seriously negative. The reasons will be addressed in the following paragraphs. The most substantial reason why I disagree with
this
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 action is the overpopulation which takes place in metropolitan
cities
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. In another world, the number of
people
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 who lives in rural area dramatically decrease and in consequence, the population of urban area rockets.
Moreover
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, by moving individuals to the major ,
cities
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 there are not enough facilities for them.
For example
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, they will face with lack of space in order of schools,
cinemas
Correct word choice
and cinemas
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 and
also
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 witness crowded parks. Another important reason that I advocate
this
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 action is negative is that if
people
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 immigrate to big
cities
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, the level of air pollution and traffic transportation will increase significantly and it causes the soar of the possibility of some diseases.
For instance
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, the growth in population will cause heavy traffic on city roads followed by air pollution and various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of diseases ,especially among the older generation
such
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 as heart disease and asthma. In conclusion, the migration of
people
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 from villages to city centres
follows
Verb problem
has
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 a negative impact on the country's development. From my pers[ective as I mentioned in previous parts, I totally disagree with these changes and I recommend that the government should prepare the same facilities and recreation plan
as well as
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cities
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 in rural places to ensure that countryside
people
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 locate in their own accommodation.
Submitted by shokri.hananeh on

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grammar
Some sentences lack grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'In another world, the number of people who lives in rural area dramatically decrease ...'). Ensure you review your work for grammatical errors.
coherence
Your opinion is clearly stated, but needs to be more consistently maintained throughout the essay. The phrase 'Another important reason that I advocate this action is negative' may confuse readers.
vocabulary
Ensure appropriate use of vocabulary. E.g., instead of saying 'In another world', the correct phrase should be 'In other words,'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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