IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #information #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates how many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
old
shops
 closed and new
shops
 started in one particular country over seven years of periods ( from 2011 to 2018)
Overall
, the
number
 of shop closures at the initial
year
 was
low
Replace the word
lower
show examples
 than opening
shops
however
,
at the end
 of
year
 closures
shops
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
high
Replace the word
higher
show examples
 than opening one.
Whereas
 in between the
year
 witnessed remain fluctuated. The average data of closed
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 was approximately 6,400 and it declined by 5,000 in 2012. It rose in 2013 and reached up to around 7,100. It was the highest
number
 in closed.
Number
Add an article
The number
show examples
 significantly diminished to below 1,000 in 2015. It was the least
number
 of
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 closed
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
year
.
Then
, it sharply rose in 2016 to more than 5,000 and it almost plateau for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 3 years up to 2018. In terms of opened
shops
Add a comma
,shops
show examples
 the
number
 was approximately 8,500 in 2011 and it significantly dropped to 4,000 in 2012. It started to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 up after 2012 and land up to 6,000 in 2014.
again
Capitalize word
Again
show examples
 it
deceased
Correct your spelling
decreased
show examples
 to 4,000 in 2015 but after 2015 it
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 relatively stable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 3
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
And
Correct word choice
At
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
year
 in 2018, it slightly fell by around 11,000 and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 it to 3,000.
Submitted by pooja.rijal11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: