IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The idea is that everyone should receive free
health
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care
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 in every nation even though the most expensive medical service might not be convenient. I firmly agree with the statement.
This
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 essay will contend with several reasons and examples about the matter.
To begin
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 with, From the humanitarian perspective, ıt is an essential affair that must be taken into account properly for a more healthy world. To achieve his aim, a country should be able to provide sufficient and free
health
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 services. If a country's budget is not enough to support its concerns, the worldwide organizations that engage with
health
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care
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 must take responsibility.
For example
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, UNICEF is an organization that helps people who need
health
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care
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, nutrition and shelter.
Therefore
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, widely known agencies and bodies must undertake
this
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 issue to promote a humanitarian world.
Secondly
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, many governments in the world are spending their money as a waste that causes nothing but fraud. To address
this
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 issue, the government should prioritize
health
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 services with enough financial support.
Moreover
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, there are still diseases that not yet have been diagnosed. so, it will be beneficial to invest in the cure of dangerous diseases.
For instance
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, cancer has had a deleterious impact on society since it began. I have lost my grandfather from cancer,and it has affected me paramount.
Hence
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, it is crucial to make medical investments that work for notorious
health
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 problems.
To conclude
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, I reiterate that everyone must acquire advanced
health
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care
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 with efficient treatments. international
health
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 organizations play a vital role in promoting
health
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 services around the globe. there are
also
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 many
health
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 conditions that need solutions.
Instead
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 of wasting money on less critical expenditures, I recommend investing in
health
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 crises that remain unsolved.

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What works well

3
task achievement

Your essay provides a clear and articulate response to the task with a well-defined stance.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your language is generally clear and understandable, making your ideas easy to follow.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

While your essay responds to the prompt effectively, try to incorporate more specific examples and evidence to reinforce your points. This will make your argument more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and uses clear topic sentences. This way, your essay will be more organized and easier to follow.

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