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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. ▪️Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. ▪️Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #changes #amount #type #food #australian #teenagers #▪️summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 line graph illustrates how much and what type of fast food
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Australian teenagers have taken in 15 years from 1975 to 2000.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 teenagers who ate pizza and
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 increased highly between these years,
while
Linking Words
 the number of consumption did not change from 1995 to 2000 in both categories. Consumers of
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 increased sharply in 1985,
whereas
Linking Words
 it continued its upward trend during the next years. The difference between the amount of
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and pizzas
took
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 per
day
Use synonyms
 in 2000 was around 15.
However
Linking Words
, the count of times ate
fish
Use synonyms
 and chips in a
day
Use synonyms
, had a downward trend from 1975 to 1985 and they showed partial growth until 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 started to decrease. In 1997 the amount of time
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chip
Fix the agreement mistake
chips
show examples
 ate per
day
Use synonyms
 were the same at 85. ,
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 in 1994 the same amount of
fish
Use synonyms
 and chips and pizza were shown in a
day
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Interest in pizza and
hamburgers
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from the beginning but from 1995 it did not change.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, most teenagers had the least interest in
fish
Use synonyms
 and chips in modern more than in the past.
Submitted by skn  on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hamburgers, day, fish with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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