IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think governments should spend money on faster means of public transport. However, others think money should be spent on other priorities (eg cost, environment). Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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Few individuals in
favor
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favour
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 of the government should spend a good amount on local transportation.
In contrast
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, others believe that
money
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 should be allocated to environmental societies to make the surroundings pollutant-free.
According to
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 my perceptions,
both
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 are important and beneficial for citizens so the ministry should create balance and spend
accordingly
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. I will discuss
both
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 views in detail.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who believe that the authorities should spend funds on transport and facilitate the
people
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 to reach their destination on time. It is a positive development as it saves time and enhances the productivity of the community. They can reach their destination on time, especially their workplaces. So when they come back they have enough hours to spend with family.
Secondly
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, it helps
people
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 to save their selves from busy cramped buses, and hot hours. It is advantageous for many school-going children and teachers and many others who run to catch the bus in the morning and forget to eat proper breakfast. They are always in a rush to catch the buses so it has a negative impact on their nourishment. As in European countries, they provide their citizens with the best transport so the vehicle comes after every 30 minutes it is much more convenient and good for
people
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 to use them.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 prefer to spend
money
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 on living costs and surroundings. Because it directly links with health if there is a lot of pollution it will give rise to certain health diseases
such
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 as respiratory disorders. That will lead to death. So, it is good if
money
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 is spent on growing trees and making the surroundings clean as we become free from poisonous gases and help us to live in a clean clear environment.
Moreover
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, the cost of living should be taken under consideration as
this
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 is a leading cause of stress these days as many
people
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 don't earn much so feel distressed about how to pay the rent.
Therefore
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, it is better to spend
money
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 on these things that can save many lives. In conclusion,
both
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 play a significant role in
people
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's physical and mental health so it is the duty of the government to manage balance and spend wisely on
both
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. So, every next person feels happy and stress-free.

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically and clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main point that is supported by relevant details and examples. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on better linking your ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases will help guide the reader and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid over-generalizations and strive to provide more precise and detailed examples to support your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses both sides of the issue and gives a personal opinion, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
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