IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

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Happiness
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 plays a crucial role in everybody's healthcare system.
People
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's ideas are very different from
person
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 to
person
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 to describe enjoyment. But everybody needs at least some important factors to have and feel a
sense
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 of
happiness
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.
Happiness
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 comes from positive energy which everybody can feel at least once in their life.
People
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 may have different attitudes about peace of mind.
For instance
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, a winner of a weekly lottery can feel enjoyment, but others' definitions of
happiness
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 are different, as an illustration, spending time with family is
happiness
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.
Also
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, there is a different interpretation of
happiness
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 when it is explained by scientists.
For example
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, the amount of one hormone in a body can create a
sense
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 of
happiness
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.
Also
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, there are different ideas about
happiness
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 when explained by a clergyman.
Hence
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, delight can be explained when a
person
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 has positive energy,
moreover
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, but the definition of delighting has a different perspective from one
person
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 to another. We must take into account that there are different factors to bring positive energy for
people
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 to have a
sense
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 of
happiness
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. It is obviously quite clear that
people
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’s
happiness
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 is not others' responsibility.
Then
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 there should be some fundamental human needs from governments to society.
For instance
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, a prosperous economy and
also
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 a positive atmosphere in society,
Furthermore
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, there should be a positive average of satisfaction for
people
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 from the governments.
Therefore
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, some important fundamental human needs are essential for a society to push them to have a
sense
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 of bliss. In conclusion, the definition of well-being makes a big difference from
person
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 to
person
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 perspectives, but
happiness
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 makes
sense
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 when there are fundamental human needs in a country. Needs to come up with a role in any government for the nation to feel happy and release themselves from daily problems and stress.

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task response
The essay does not fully respond to the task. It lacks a clear discussion on why it is difficult to define happiness and the important factors in achieving happiness. The points made are not well-elaborated and do not directly address the task questions.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are not well-organized, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion in the essay.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is adequate, but there is a need for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise use of language. Some sentences lack clarity and precision, affecting the overall lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates basic grammatical range, there are frequent issues with sentence structure, word usage, and punctuation. A more varied use of sentence structures and more accurate word choices are necessary for improvement.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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