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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (Ulvi)

It is argued that
music
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 is the best method to bring together individuals from different cultures or ages.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement for various reasons,
such
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 as misunderstandings and boredom. First of all, every culture has its own
music
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 types, and no one can force them to listen to the same type. To be more specific, some nations follow various musical rules, and if someone tries to connect them with
music
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, it can cause misunderstandings and even bring about conflicts.
Therefore
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, it is better to avoid using
music
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 to bring
people
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 together.
Furthermore
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, in most cases,
people
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 from different age groups have various preferences.
For instance
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, in Azerbaijan, the majority of adults prefer mugham, which is traditional Azerbaijani
music
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,
while
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 younger
people
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 listen to rap. So it is difficult to bring these
people
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together with
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 the help of
music
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 because rap and mugham are completely different.
People
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 may feel bored if they listen to the same type.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 consider that if individuals listen to other cultures'
music
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, they will become familiar with that tradition, and it will help them to broaden their horizons. So, they think
music
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 is a helpful way to bring
people
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 together.
However
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, I believe that if humans want to be aware of other traditions, they can find a vast amount of information on the internet, and bringing them
together with
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music
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 can have detrimental impacts on their psychology. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that connecting
people
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 from different cultures and ages with
music
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 can have negative consequences,
such
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 as misunderstandings among
people
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 or stress
while
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 listening to different types.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your points to provide a more thorough discussion and consider presenting counterarguments more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your logical flow between paragraphs to improve coherence. Try to use linking phrases that guide the reader more clearly through your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples, showing an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a framework for the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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