IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (Ulvi)

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
music
Use synonyms
 is the best method to bring together individuals from different cultures or ages.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement for various reasons,
such
Linking Words
 as misunderstandings and boredom. First of all, every culture has its own
music
Use synonyms
 types, and no one can force them to listen to the same type. To be more specific, some nations follow various musical rules, and if someone tries to connect them with
music
Use synonyms
, it can cause misunderstandings and even bring about conflicts.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is better to avoid using
music
Use synonyms
 to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in most cases,
people
Use synonyms
 from different age groups have various preferences.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Azerbaijan, the majority of adults prefer mugham, which is traditional Azerbaijani
music
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 younger
people
Use synonyms
 listen to rap. So it is difficult to bring these
people
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 the help of
music
Use synonyms
 because rap and mugham are completely different.
People
Use synonyms
 may feel bored if they listen to the same type.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that if individuals listen to other cultures'
music
Use synonyms
, they will become familiar with that tradition, and it will help them to broaden their horizons. So, they think
music
Use synonyms
 is a helpful way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that if humans want to be aware of other traditions, they can find a vast amount of information on the internet, and bringing them
together with
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 can have detrimental impacts on their psychology. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that connecting
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and ages with
music
Use synonyms
 can have negative consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as misunderstandings among
people
Use synonyms
 or stress
while
Linking Words
 listening to different types.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand on your points to provide a more thorough discussion and consider presenting counterarguments more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your logical flow between paragraphs to improve coherence. Try to use linking phrases that guide the reader more clearly through your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples, showing an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a framework for the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: