IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after they serve the first punishment. What does this happen, and what measures can be taken to solve this problem?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
It is true that many criminals are likely to break the law again after being released from prison. There are many reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, governments should cooperate with individuals to mitigate it.
Body · 1
On the one hand, several factors contribute to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
First,
Linking Words
criminals themselves passively accept modifications, but are usually resistant in hearts, so there won’t be any fundamental changes after they get out of prison.
Second,
Linking Words
the reason why most of them commit a crime is that they failed to integrate into society,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of family love and friendship, but after being released, they still have to face discrimination from society, which leads to their desire for revenge.
Besides
Linking Words
, they are less competitive than other competitors and have less income, which forces them to engage in criminal activities again.
For example
Linking Words
, most companies won’t employ a member with bad behaviors, because
this
Linking Words
 will give their wearers a bad image.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several actions that citizens and states can take to address the problem mentioned above.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the administrators should pay more attention to their mental health, rather than simply giving them more work.
In addition
Linking Words
, except for the governments, citizens can be more friendly to them, which makes them feel they are not isolated. What’s more, the authorities ought to spend more money offering them better employment opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, the states can provide criminals with specialized working organisations and stable salaries.
Conclusion
In conclusion, their personal reasons, social prejudice and job issues are the main reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 problem, and actions should be taken along several fronts: attaching importance to their psychological education, treating them with kindness, and supplying them with more work availabilities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt but lacks depth and complexity. The ideas are somewhat disorganized and the examples are not detailed enough to support the points effectively. More specific and relevant examples would improve the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates basic coherence and cohesion, but the logical structure is weak. The ideas are not well connected and the essay lacks a strong overall progression. A clearer, more structured approach with better use of linking words would enhance coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource is adequate but lacks sophistication. The vocabulary and phrasing are somewhat repetitive, and there is limited use of more advanced or precise language. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied expressions would strengthen the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The grammatical range is fairly limited, with frequent errors in sentence structure, tense usage, and word forms. More complex sentence structures and a wider variety of grammatical forms would improve the grammatical range. Attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency is also needed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: