IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Surgary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #surgary #people
Nowadays, several companies related to the
food
 industry are manufacturing many
products
 that cause various health problems
due to
 the high levels of
sugar
. Different kinds of problems associated with a huge quantity of
sugar
 could generate overweight, heart attacks, diabetes, inter alia. On the one hand,
products
 with a high level of
sugar
, either
food
,
such
 as cookies and candies or drinks, like sodas, juice, and energetic beverages should be more expensive or pay more taxes.
According to
 informs elaborate by the faculty of medicine of the University of Alberta, says that around 45% of the population in Canada is overweight and has diabetes and 10% of the 45% of the population previously mentioned are dying,
due to
 diabetes.
Thus
, increasing the price of
this
 kind of product could generate a positive impact on the citizens.
On the other hand
, there are many people that are completely disagree with
this
 initiative of paying more money, for drinks and
food
. Society considers that adults are aware of the high level of
sugar
 contained in
this
 product. The majority of people have an addiction to sugary ailments and they believe that the best way to leave
food
 and drink with
sugar
 is to follow a diet provided by a doctor . In conclusion, society needs to control alimentation and reduce the consumption of
products
 with high levels of
sugar
, in order to enhance their health and minimize health problems. Could be a strict solution increase the price of
this
 aliments.
At the end
 of the day, many unnatural and natural
products
 contain certain quantities of
sugar
 that could be dangerous for a human being.
Submitted by duvcam_ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: