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Writing Samples
Band 8

39.Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some contend that teenagers must be involved in doing
community
Use synonyms
 work without getting paid. Despite the disadvantages associated, I am of the opinion that
this
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 approach has more merits than demerits. On the one hand, it is argued that doing volunteer jobs may disturb young people's educational progress.
This
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 is because students are already stressed by a mounting of schoolwork and homework which is as demanding as a full-time job. Under
such
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 circumstances, if adolescents are obligated to do some unpaid jobs, it will create a negative impression that their life has nothing, but duty. It suggests that youngsters should spend the rest of their time on leisure activities to achieve a school-life balance.
In addition
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, as students' time and efforts are limited, society can only gain a little benefit from their contributions to the
community
Use synonyms
. At
this
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 point, what they can do maybe just some simple paperwork or errands and two-hour volunteering a week,
for example
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, can be not enough to make a difference.
On the other hand
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, I do believe that participating in
community
Use synonyms
 activities can bring numerous benefits to students.
Firstly
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,
although
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 they do not receive any type of direct remuneration, doing as a volunteer may help them mentally prepare for the life of an adult. In fact, most adolescents at
this
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 age are still heavily reliant on their parents and teachers,
thus
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 doing volunteer jobs means that they are entering a new working environment with little supervision from their families and schools.
In other words
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, they are given a chance to stand on their own.
Secondly
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, directly engaging with
community
Use synonyms
 members in need can cultivate empathy and a better understanding of social issues.
This
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 can help young people appreciate the challenges faced by others and can lead to a more compassionate and socially conscious generation. In conclusion,
while
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 doing
community
Use synonyms
 work can have certain negative impacts on teenagers' studies, I firmly believe that the benefits are more significant because
this
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 approach helps youngsters become more mature and have more empathy with others. It is advisable that young people should spend a part of their time contributing to
community
Use synonyms
 activities.

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Task Achievement
To further improve, try incorporating a wider range of specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This adds depth and makes your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a broad linguistic range and keep the reader engaged.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument, and a conclusion summarizing your stance. Excellent work on maintaining logical coherence and cohesion throughout.
Task Achievement
You've done an excellent job in responding completely to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant examples. Your stance is clear throughout the essay, which is crucial for Task Achievement.
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