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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Bar graph below shows the amount of carbon emissions in different countries during three different years.

Bar graph below shows the amount of carbon emissions in different countries during three different years.
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The bar graph outlines the
carbon
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output
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 from various countries and
emphasis
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emphasises
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 the gradual increase over the decades for
majority
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the majority
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 of the countries, except for Germany and the United Kingdom. For Germany, it can be noted that from 1975 to 1990, their
carbon
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 emission
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remained the same; a little over 200,000
tonnes
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, with the year 2005 seeing a drop.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the United Kingdom,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has kept
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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carbon
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output
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 below 200,000 tones from 1975 to 2005, has demonstrated a decrease over the years. Contrary to the previously mentioned countries,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and China have shown a very obvious disparity from their European counterparts. By 2005, both states
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 had the highest
carbon
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 emission, with records reaching almost 1,600,000
tonnes
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.
Although
Linking Words
 China's
carbon
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output
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 has been well over 500,000
tonnes
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 behind
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 from the years 1975 to 1990, their new record in 2005 is subpar
to
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
also
Linking Words
 highlighting the dramatic jump of their
output
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 by almost a million
tonnes
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.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbon, output, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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