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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying habits in five Australian cities. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying habits in five Australian cities. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
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The bar chart illustrates the comparison of five Australian cities about the
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 of citizens purchasing
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart have an increased variation. Brisban and Adelaide have a fluctuation in purchasing.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the Sydney 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
40% of instance packed and 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 went to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 to brink
both
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Melbourne has 95 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of humans who brought
both
Use synonyms
 fresh and instant
coffee
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
, 62 % of
people
Use synonyms
 go to cafes for
both
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Brisban has the least contribution of purchase in fresh items.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has the same rate of
people
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who went to cafes.
In addition
Linking Words
, Adelaide has the least purchase of fresh items,
along with
Linking Words
 it having the highest contribution in instant
coffee
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Hobart reached a peak in
people
Use synonyms
 who went to cafes,
as well as
Linking Words
, 90 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of humans brought
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks.
Submitted by fazilharis20 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, cent, people, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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