IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Countries should produce the food that their population eats, and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some say that states have to grow their own food as much as the community need it and decrease the import of products. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 statement because it can impact much more positively. First of all, it is indeed quite expensive to import food from other countries. All because in other countries they produce the necessary and finished products themselves spending a lot of finances and time, and later sell what they made with a high price tag.
Moreover
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, if the government grew its own eats without purchasing it from other countries, people would be delighted with abundant nourishment and cheap prices;
in addition
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, it is a great way to improve the economy
due to
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 the fact that there would be no more waste to import the eats.
For example
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, the state could allocate some places on their land for the cultivation and production of delicacies,
such
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 as potatoes, tomatoes and so on, in order to at least get the initial products.
However
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, during the construction of a plant or the preparation of a place to grow food, some problems may arise,
such
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 as lack of funding, and initial edibles shortages.
For instance
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, in order to manufacture some production factories and large-sized plants, the country has to allocate a tremendous amount of money for materials and workers.
Additionally
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, It will take some time for provision production to normalise, which means that citizens will experience some disadvantages.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that as time passes, all problems will be solved. In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that growing our own provisions and producing our own goods is an obviously positive way to improve both society and the country's economy.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, you could add phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' at the beginning of your paragraphs to make the flow of your argument more seamless.
task achievement
While you have made some good points, there is room for more specific examples to give your arguments more weight. For instance, mentioning specific countries that have successfully implemented such policies could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
It's important to focus on the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Be sure to elaborate more on each point you make and consider possible counter-arguments to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic. This will improve both your task achievement and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to be mindful of some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For example, instead of 'the state could allocate some places on their land,' you could say 'the government could allocate land areas.' A few adjustments can make your essay more fluid and readable.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay, which is crucial for a high task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framing for your essay.
task achievement
You've made several solid points in support of your argument, particularly about the economic benefits of self-producing food.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-sufficiency
  • trade dependency
  • food security
  • sustainable agriculture
  • local economies
  • carbon footprint
  • supply chain
  • food miles
  • agricultural sector
  • domestic production
  • import substitution
  • food sovereignty
  • global supply chains
  • trade imbalances
  • food standards
  • economic resilience
  • biodiversity
  • cultural heritage
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