Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#music #role #society #form #entertainment #individuals

Music

plays a big role in our daily lives.

While

many hold

this

belief, others believe it only serves as a recreational tool.

This

essay will demonstrate the arguments behind these two opinions,

as well as

explaining

Wrong verb form

explain

show examples

why

Change the capitalization

show examples

think

music

has greater importance than just

entertainment

. A reason to think that

music

is simply for

entertainment

is the fact that it has mostly ever been used for the sake of recreational activities. In short,

music

has never been

percieved

Correct your spelling

perceived

as contributing much aside from intangible values like improving moods, which belongs under

entertainment

. It is used predominantly in celebrations, concerts and video games. As

such

although

music

is valuable, its worth is superficial only.

However

music

gives much more than that. First and foremost,

music

has contributed plentily in terms of history. Even in

ruins

Correct article usage

the ruins

show examples

of ancient civilizations,

music

remained and was discovered in

form

Correct article usage

the form

show examples

of instrument relics. These give glimmers of insights into the culture and social habits of the people at that time.

Secondly

music

has been confirmed to do much more than simply

lifting

Wrong verb form

lift

show examples

moods. Many researches confirmed that certain tunes can affect a person's capacity to concentrate.

For example

, video games like Legend of Zelda, utilized

this

aspect of

music

to create melodies in their game that immerses the players. Not only the ability to focus, songs with certain beats can be utilized to lull people to sleep by mimicking slow heartbeats. In conclusion, it is

Change preposition

apply

show examples

my personal opinion that

music

is and has always been a tool much more powerful than its

entertainment

values. Many of its psychological effects are being studied

further

, and it will have only become more relevant by the next twenty years

along with

the importance of mental health.

Submitted by k2englishcenter on Thu Aug 24 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss these views. Which view do you agree with? Explain why.

Some people think it is more important to plant more tree in open areas in towns and cities than provide more housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?