IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You recently purchased a faulty product from an online store. Write a letter to the store manager outlining the issue and requesting a refund or replacement.

#product #store #manager #refund #replacement
Dear Manager, I hope
this
 letter finds you well.I am writing to inform to address a pressing concern that has arisen regarding the TV that I purchased from the online website.The order number is XYZA220. The aforementioned issue poses an inconvenience,as the TV is not working properly.
Furthermore
, when I turn on the Television it shows blurry pictures and after using 15-20 minutes it automatically goes into sleep mode.
In addition
,I tried to do the set by myself and even I used customer care online service but the issue was not resolved. I trust your company's products
Therefore
, I purchase all electronic devices from your store.I respectfully implore you to take swift action to fix
this
 problem either by repairing or by replacing
this
 product.
In addition
 to that I gifted
this
 TV to my wife.It is imperative to resolve
this
 issue as early as possible. I remain optimistic that your attention to
this
 matter will lead to a satisfactory resolution.Thank you for your prompt consideration I eagerly await your response and affirmative actions on
this
 matter, Yours sincerely, Avi bhadiyadra
Submitted by avibhadiyadra on

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Accuracy and clarity
Make sure to proofread your letter to catch and correct small inaccuracies, such as 'I am writing to inform to address a pressing concern' which could be more accurately stated as 'I am writing to inform you about a pressing concern.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your letter. While the structure is clear, more sophisticated connectors could enhance the coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
To further improve task achievement, ensure that every aspect of the prompt is addressed comprehensively. Adding details about when the purchase was made or specifying the desired outcome in more detail could enhance the response.
Task Achievement
Your letter effectively outlines the issue with the TV and makes a clear request for a solution, demonstrating good task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your letter, with an appropriate greeting, clear paragraphs for each point, and a polite closing, shows good coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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