Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many celebrities become famous for their proficiency, but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about other reasons like their glamour or wealth, a misery affecting the youth. I completely disagree with
this
bias.
Although
some of the current celebrities have become famous due to
their charm offensive, I believe what made most of this
community renowned at the moment is their achievements due to
lifelong endeavour. Gaining celebrity status depends on an individual’s professional skills. A celebrity usually does not possess the skill at jumping off place, but rather plenty of days, even years of hard work after kicking off her or his career is needed to acquire that. To give just one example
, Elon Musk made real efforts for almost a decade, experiencing failure, working on himself, never quitting and showing courage.
A bad example
does not necessarily affect young people badly, because it can be as much invaluable as a fine example
. What makes a bad example
constructive rather than harmful is identifying dead ends, in the sense that this
can confront the youth with a clarified final part of pursuing wealth and glamour. On top of this
rationale, a bad example
also
shows hidden traps of bad attitudes
and shady values. This
would arm the young society against pernicious cultural attitudes
. If we take an in-depth view, a bad example
could be just as revealing as a good one.
In conclusion, celebrities’ attitudes
not only do not influence young people negatively but also
make a positive contribution to their own attitudes
.Submitted by abolfazlmgr on
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task achievement
Strive to fully address all parts of the task. The prompt asks for an opinion on celebrities becoming more famous for glamour and wealth rather than achievements. Ensure your essay clearly agrees or disagrees, and explore both viewpoints before providing your own stance thoroughly.
task achievement
Work on integrating more concrete examples or illustrations to support your arguments. While Elon Musk is mentioned, additional specific examples relevant to how celebrities impact youth would strengthen your case.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas more seamlessly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay effectively. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. A clear introductory sentence for each paragraph could help with this.
coherence cohesion
Review the importance of a clear thesis statement in the introduction. It plants your essay on solid ground by stating your viewpoint upfront, making it easier for readers to follow your argumentation.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
