The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #attendance #entertainment #venues #admission #prices #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart shows data regarding participation in leisure activities in 2009 and the corresponding price for each event.
Generally speaking,
it is clear that
the majority of people enjoyed film vision, while
fewer enjoyed a day at a theme park or at sport
matches.
First off, in the considered year the Change the noun form
sports
amount
of individuals involved in cinematographic events Change the quantifier
number
were
roughly 1050000, almost three Correct subject-verb agreement
was
times
than
Correct word choice
that
those
who spent their Change preposition
of those
downtimes
at an amusement park, and a little below ten Fix the agreement mistake
downtime
times
than
Correct word choice
that
sports
lovers.
Change preposition
of sports
Nonetheless
, there is a significant ticket price difference for each entertainment. For instance
, going to football games cost
around five Wrong verb form
costs
times
more than watching a movie for a single ticket, and six times
when the whole family is considered.
However
, there are other kind
of sports whose fares are not over the odds, Change the wording
kinds
such
as basketball ($34), and cricket (24$
).
Correct your spelling
24
FInally
, theme Correct your spelling
Finally
parks
entrance fees are as costly as football Change the noun form
park
games
ones (roughly $70), albeit having Correct your spelling
game
special
group discount with the pay 3 take 4 offer.Correct article usage
a special
Submitted by giulia-guglielmi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words times with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼