IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #attendance #entertainment #venues #admission #prices #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart shows data regarding participation in leisure activities in 2009 and the corresponding price for each event. Generally speaking,
it is clear that
 the majority of people enjoyed film vision,
while
 fewer enjoyed a day at a theme park or at
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 matches. First off, in the considered year the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of individuals involved in cinematographic events
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 roughly 1050000, almost three
times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
those
Change preposition
of those
show examples
 who spent their
downtimes
Fix the agreement mistake
downtime
show examples
 at an amusement park, and a little below ten
times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
sports
Change preposition
of sports
show examples
 lovers.
Nonetheless
, there is a significant ticket price difference for each entertainment.
For instance
, going to football games
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 around five
times
 more than watching a movie for a single ticket, and six
times
 when the whole family is considered.
However
, there are other
kind
Change the wording
kinds
show examples
 of sports whose fares are not over the odds,
such
 as basketball ($34), and cricket (
24$
Correct your spelling
24
).
FInally
Correct your spelling
Finally
show examples
, theme
parks
Change the noun form
park
show examples
 entrance fees are as costly as football
games
Correct your spelling
game
show examples
 ones (roughly $70), albeit having
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 group discount with the pay 3 take 4 offer.
Submitted by giulia-guglielmi on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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