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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Discuss advantage and disadvantages to children doing so?

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Nowadays, earning
money
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 is not a big deal. Some parents encourage their
children
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 to get part-time jobs to take advantage of their kids' spare time. In view of
this
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 point, I totally support parents in rehabilitating their youngsters by cultivating their abilities and letting them be younger entrepreneurs for two reasons. First of all, when
children
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 start to work they will value
money
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. Without a doubt, the saying ''easy come easy go", is literally true. When kids spend time and effort to earn some cash they will spend
money
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 on the right path.
Furthermore
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, they will not think to spend their payment on computer games of useless staff.
Moreover
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, when
children
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 get part-time jobs, they will improve their abilities and talents.
This
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 eventually will let
children
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 learn about the main skills that the job market thrives at.
Also
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, youngsters will consider their cash to enhance their talents and prove themselves to the community.
Last
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 but not least, youngsters, who get a part-time job will recognize the real world completely differently than those who are for waiting
Add the preposition
for
show examples
pocket
money
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 from their parents.
For instance
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, those younger entrepreneurs will respect everyone who is working
similarly
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 to them.
On the other hand
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, there are some negative could pop up when
children
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 get part-time jobs.
For example
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, those young entrepreneurs will not be able to enjoy their childhood span. They will be more stressed and nervous.
Such
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 behaviour could cause mental and psychological issues. In conclusion, working
children
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 is a weapon with two side effects, we should consider the drawbacks and benefits before letting them face the real world.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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