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Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Smartphones have become an addiction nowadays
especially
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,especially
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 for young ones. It has become a debatable topic whether spending a lot of time on smartphones is beneficial or harmful for children.
This
 essay will present the causes for
this
along with
 my opinion. To commence with, one of the possible reasons
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 that in present times there are
less
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fewer
show examples
 playgrounds available for kids because of
construction
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the construction
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 of more residential buildings.
Secondly
, parents usually do not allow children to play outside as the crime rate has
been significantly risen
Change to the active voice
significantly risen
show examples
 in recent times. Another reason could be online classes and homework which
also
 increases the screen duration.
Furthermore
,
videogames
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video games
show examples
 and social media
is
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are
show examples
 so captivating that pupils
tends
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tend
show examples
 to allocate more of their leisure time
playing
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to playing
show examples
 and surfing online. To my way of thinking, it is more of a negative development as giving more time to screens weakens the
eye-sight
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eyesight
show examples
.
Besides
, they
looses
Verb problem
lose
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 interest in
outer
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the outer
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 world
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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results
Add the preposition
inresults
fromresults
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 a lack
in
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of
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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social life and relations.
Moreover
, smartphones
tends
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tend
show examples
 to be not only addictive but
also
deminish
Correct your spelling
diminish
 the focusing ability of
brain
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the brain
show examples
 by
interferring
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interfering
 with
their
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the
show examples
 cognition system.
To conclude
, There are some factors like
availability
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the availability
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 of playgrounds,
parents
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parental
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 restrictions and classes on
computer
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a computer
the computer
show examples
 that adds to screen-timing but it is an undeniable fact that spending long hours on mobile phones alters the human brain power and eye-sight
as well as
 affects their social life.
Submitted by shavidhillain on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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