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Band 4.5

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way ton reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #prison #sentences #ton #crime
Imprisonment serves the purpose of punishing law offenders and more importantly
to remind
Change the verb form
reminding
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about the serious impact of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. Many people believe current
prison
sentences
 should be longer in order to be more effective in reducing
crime
 rate
while
 others believe in alternative ways.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
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in
Change preposition
of
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 the opinion
of
Change preposition
that
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 there
has
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have
show examples
 to be alternative ways when it comes to reducing
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
Firstly
,
instead
 of merely
prison
 sentencing, caning could be added together. The wound healing process after being caned is lengthy and often it impacts daily activities
hence
 it is a good way to increase the intensity of the punishment. Caning is commonly
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used for men
due to
 the extreme pain it causes,
however
,
this
 could be extended to women as well for a more holistic approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reducing
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
On the other hand
, it is an expense for government to keep prisoners.
For example
, prisoners get meals, medical care, and other basic care. In the event
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
prison
sentences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 extended,
this
 simply means
government
Add an article
the government
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 will have to spend even more on funding the prisons. These expenses are not for the purpose of generating revenue
hence
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be kept at the lowest possible. For those who believe longer
prison
sentences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more effective in reducing
crime
, it might not work out as intended as many wouldn't be able to visualise the difference
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 spending 3 years in
prison
 compared to spending 5 years. Undoubtedly,
this
 could intimidate the potential offenders
however
 to what
extended
Replace the word
extent
show examples
this
 method is effective is hard to measure. In conclusion, judging from
effectiveness
Correct article usage
the effectiveness
show examples
 and
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 perspective, there are alternative ways to reduce
crime
 and longer
prison
sentences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not the most ideal solution.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Introduction and Conclusion Structure
Imprisonment serves the purpose of punishing law offenders and more importantly to remind the public about the serious impact of committing crime. The introduction should clearly and concisely introduce the main topic and present the writer's opinion. Ensure that the introduction ends with a clear thesis statement that addresses all aspects of the task. Additionally, include a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.
Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both views and presenting a personal opinion. To improve, ensure that the opinions presented are clearly elaborated and supported with relevant examples. Address the advantages and disadvantages of both longer prison sentences and alternative methods of crime reduction more comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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