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Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Owing to the cut-throat competition, parents are more inclined to give higher education to their offspring. Nowadays, there is a highly competitive in the education field. It is argued that
this
Linking Words
 can be mitigated by eradicating non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 like painting and cookery from the educational system and if
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
so,
children
Use synonyms
 will have an excessive amount of time to do academic work. I totally disagree with the given statement, since
both
Use synonyms
 science-based
subjects
Use synonyms
 and
artsy-
Correct your spelling
artsy subjects
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 bring about well-developed individuals.
To begin
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 with, there are many boons in non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
, namely cognitive development and being cooperative.
Firstly
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,
while
Linking Words
 doing painting and cookery,
children
Use synonyms
 will learn many
life-skills
Correct your spelling
life skills
show examples
. It can
be influenced
Wrong verb form
influence
show examples
 brain development
as well as
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
directly
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
cognitive
Replace the word
cognition
show examples
.
For instance
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,
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according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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recent research, which was done by the health authorities of the USA,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reveals that over 90% of
children
Use synonyms
 who engaged
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 non-academic work, those have higher cognitive skills than who did not engage
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of work.
Secondly
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, in the
school
Use synonyms
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can do painting and cookery programs. In
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of situations, they tend to share tools with their peers and garner real-life experiences
such
Linking Words
 as patience.
Therefore
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, it can be said that non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 bring about many merits.
Secondly
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,
both
Use synonyms
 academic and non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 have equal weight
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
children's
Correct article usage
the children's
show examples
 education system. To be more precise,
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school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
syllabus
Use synonyms
 which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 these
subjects
Use synonyms
 can help to
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Because through
Correct word choice
Through
show examples
 cooperative
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, adolescents can learn many
life-skills
Correct your spelling
life skills
show examples
such
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 as how to
patient
Add a missing verb
be patient
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others and how to manage time effectively.
For example
Linking Words
, a well-known published article in Sri Lanka depicts that 87% of pupils who did only science-based
subjects
Use synonyms
, cannot manage their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 routine effectively.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is crystal clear that non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be in the
school
Use synonyms
syllabus
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there is a belief that artsy
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be removed from
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
syllabus
Use synonyms
 to alleviate pressure on
children
Use synonyms
 regarding academic learning. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, since
both
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 are equally
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 in terms of
children
Use synonyms
's well-being. It is recommended that the government should impose stringent laws
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
school
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
show examples
 that consist of
both
Use synonyms
 academic and non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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