IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia

Chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia
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The column graph illustrates Australians who go to different places for entertainment.  
According to
Linking Words
 the results, a large gap in percentage data is shown between
theater
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theatre
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 visitors and the cinema, and not quite noticeable between the zoo and the library.  Cinema is at the forefront. About 70% of Australian natives, 65% of new
migrants
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 born in English-speaking
countries
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 and 50% of new
migrants
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 born in other
countries
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 are movie lovers. And the performance of the
theater
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theatre
show examples
 is deplorable. Only 20 of Australians, 25%
of
Change preposition
from
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 English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
migrants
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 and 10% through
migrants
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 from other
countries
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.   No less interesting places are the library and the zoo. Their attendance percentage is almost equal. Only the number of foreigners from other
countries
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, who prefer to look at animals, is less than bookworms. There is a huge difference of 20% between them. The gap between
migrants
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 from English-speaking
countries
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 is already smaller and amounts to 10%. The latest figures
through
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from
show examples
 Australia's own residents are more than 40% in the zoo and almost 40% in the library.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words migrants, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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