IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #amount #time #money #protection #animals #population
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In recent years,
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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spending
money
Use synonyms
 and time on
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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 wild
animals
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 or on populations living in the poorest areas,
which have
Wrong verb form
has
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 been receiving a great deal of public attention.
Although
Linking Words
this
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 trend bears some drawbacks, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that the benefits of spending on the poor outweigh the drawbacks. Admittedly, from an environmentalist’s perspective, spending
money
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 to save wild
animals
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 is extremely necessary and justifiable.
This
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 means that they play a significant role in
Correct article usage
the balance
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balance
Replace the word
balanced
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 ecosystem. All
animals
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 are connected in one way or another in food chains.
For
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this
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 reason, when an animal overpopulation or underpopulation leads to the brink of extinction, The natural balance will be disrupted, and ecosystems cannot be sustained.
For example
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, in 2019, a large bushfire occurred in Australia, killing more than five hundred thousand
animals
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, including koalas. They are on the verge of extinction and are listed in the red list. Their extinction will seriously affect the food chains of other
animals
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,
such
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 as dogs, cats, etc.
On the other hand
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, I think the economic development of
people
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 in poor areas is more important and urgent. In fact, in order to protect wildlife, we must improve the quality of
people
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's lives. By improving the infrastructure, paying attention to health and education, and solving the unemployment of the
people
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, the country's economy can be ensured. From there, we will have
money
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 to spend on other things.
For example
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, the economic crisis in Venezuela in 2013 led to the deterioration of
people
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's lives there.
Therefore
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, their government has prioritized spending
money
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 to meet the basic needs of the
people
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 before other issues. In conclusion, with the convincing argument mentioned above, it is extremely necessary to protect wildlife or develop the country's economy. But in my opinion, we should prioritize spending
money
Use synonyms
 and time on
people
Use synonyms
's needs to develop their lives.
Submitted by honggdiemm1999 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the importance of both wildlife conservation and human development in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and eloquently.
grammatical range
Diversify grammatical structures and sentence types to demonstrate a more advanced command of English.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
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