Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions. How far do you agree with this statement?

It is a common belief that
money
and
possessions
do not provide as much
happiness
as
friends
and family.
While
there are some positive sides to
this
statement, I am of the opinion that
money
and
possessions
make everyone happier. On the one hand, the idea of
happiness
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
brought more by
friends
and family is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
to some extent. The first and primary reason for
this
is
friends
and family can give us meaningful connections and supportive advice from
heart
Add an article
the heart
a heart
show examples
that
money
basically can not .
This
is because these actions can comprehend the offspring which
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-educated children and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
their personality portrait.
For instance
, children who live in poverty have
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
show examples
life
, but with the encouragement of people around, especially family or
friends
, some of them even become very successful in
life
Moreover
, it is obvious that the basis of
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
has to do with the
happiness
and positive energy that arises.
For example
, giving a special gift to your
friends
or
hold
Wrong verb form
holding
show examples
a birthday party for a member of your family can spread joy to them. In spite of
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
ideas, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
money
and
possessions
bring more
happiness
than people around us. To commence with, the value of
money
and
possessions
play
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
important role
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
our
life
more comfortable. They support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher education in order to assist us
to have
Change preposition
in having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better revenue.
For instance
, when we have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good-quality educational system or a professional teacher, we can be trained better.
Moreover
, having
money
can help us out when we
ill
Add a missing verb
are ill
show examples
as we can pay
money
for
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
healthcare system.
For example
,
money
can be useful when there is a serious emergency.
As a consequence
, the given opinions will lead to the increase of materialism. In conclusion,
while
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
support the view that
happiness
can be brought by
money
or
possessions
, I disagree that family
anf
Correct your spelling
and
friends
can bring it more. That's because the earnings can
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
us a better
life
.
Submitted by simmy6a1 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emotional well-being
  • Intrinsic value
  • Meaningful activities
  • Diminishing returns
  • Temporary pleasure
  • Psychological needs
  • Long-term satisfaction
  • Interdependence
  • Community and belonging
  • Supportive relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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