New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

Women who are able to both work and run a household are unquestionably one of the most controversial topics of debate these days. Of course, there are a few considerable benefits of a working mother for a family.

However

Linking Words

, I consider

this

Linking Words

trend to be a negative development which could definitely bring negative consequences. On the one hand, modern appliances give a lot of women an opportunity to connect their parenthood and career growth

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

Linking Words

therefore

Punctuation problem

therefore,

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it definitely brings several positive changes to the community.

Firstly

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, every woman

also

Linking Words

deserves to be a successful specialist these days

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;

show examples

consequently

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, her ambitions should be heard and taken into consideration. Undoubtedly, female rights have been discussed for centuries

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;

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however

Linking Words

, nowadays

it is clear that

Linking Words

women

could

Wrong verb form

can

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be extremely good in fields like management, medicine and economics.

For instance

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, Elizabeth II has shown that it is possible to manage the whole country and raise happy children at the same time.

Secondly

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, it is known that wealthy families usually consist of two working parents

due to

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the fact that they

could

Wrong verb form

can

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earn more money and improve their living conditions.

On the other hand

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, I agree that there are significant pitfalls

Change preposition

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this

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upcoming issue.

To begin

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with,

multi-tasking

Use the right word

multitasking

show examples

is considered to be dangerous for mental health

due to

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the fact that people who are always exhausted do not have enough time for sleep and relaxation.

For example

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, hundreds of scientific

research

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studies

show examples

have already shown that mothers having full-time jobs and dependent children are more likely to have depression and sleep disorders.

Furthermore

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, a child who is growing up in a family where both parents are working usually has a lack of communication.

Consequently

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this

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person could become introverted and avoid any kinship.

To conclude

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, despite varying opinions, I reckon that the disadvantages of having a job with a dependent child completely outweigh the relative advantages

Punctuation problem

;

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as a consequence

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, mothers with small offspring had better pay more attention to their households and heirs.

sofsya.fedorenko.2001

Aug 26, 2023

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task response

The introduction could be clearer. Consider stating your main points more directly. Also, the conclusion should restate your main argument more clearly.

coherence and cohesion

Try to connect your ideas better. Use linking words to help the reader follow your thoughts. Also, break some long sentences into shorter ones for clarity.

task response

You present a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is good for task response.

task response

Your examples, especially about Elizabeth II, are interesting and relevant, showing your point well.

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

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New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Children have too much freedom nowadays. Do you agree or disagree ? Why ?

Some people think that it is the best to save money, for exemple in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach on opinion on this debate

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What measures can be done to address those problems?

in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of givin children this message?