IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Young ones who are raised in a household where their families do not have large amounts of
money
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 are better prepared to deal with the troubles of adult life than those who are brought up by wealthy parents. I agree with the above statement and I will discuss it in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, children who are raised by parents who earn less tend to learn how to survive and fulfil their needs with less
money
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 and they
also
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 gather experience for years to come that it is not easy to earn a living.
Furthermore
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, kids who have seen poverty in their younger days are prepared by their experiences how to manage
money
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 in difficult times.
For example
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, a child who learns to make a budget at a very young age tends to be an adult who knows how to spend wisely.
As a result
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,
such
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 a child will achieve success because of his past behaviour.
On the other hand
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, children who are brought up by wealthy parents do not experience the above in their lifetime
due to
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 their inexperience in handling
money
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.
Moreover
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, kids of
this
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 kind most of the time are not aware of how and where to invest.
For instance
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, a child who has always asked his mother to buy stationery for him will never know how much a particular thing costs.
Consequently
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, they fall short of ideas when dealing with life situations that occur in their adulthood.
To conclude
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, I would say that people must inculcate a sense of spending
money
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 in a wise manner in their wards so that they do not become spendthrift or miser at the same time.
Also
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, they must tell them how to make a budget for themselves which can help them in their adulthood.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use appropriate transitions to connect the ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt and thoroughly develop each point with relevant examples and explanations.
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