The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane
The provided diagram depicts the way in which
sugar
is produced from
sugar
cans
.
Overall
, there are 7 stages in the process, beginning with grown
sugar
cans
and ending with prepared
sugar
which is ready to consume. The
sugar
cans
serve as the raw material in the process.
Thus
, these
sugar
cans
are cultivated for 12 to 18 months so as to become ready to harvest.
After
this
period, these
sugar
cans
are harvested by machines and farmers and
then
loaded in factories.
Next,
the
sugar
cans
undergo a crushing process. In
this
phase, the
sugar
cans
turn to
juice
. Afterwards,
this
juice
is purified by a limestone filter which results in prepared
juice
for the heating section. In the subsequent stage,
this
juice
is heated by an evaporator and becomes syrup.
Then
, a centrifuge separates
sugar
crystals from syrup.
Finally
, These
sugar
crystals become dry and cold which is the eventual
sugar
.
Submitted by fatemeh.gh9797 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cans, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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