It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
people
argue that in order to fight diseases, the Use synonyms
government
should invest more money in encouraging a healthy lifestyle Use synonyms
instead
of spending capital on the treatment of patients. I partly agree with Linking Words
this
point of view for a number of reasons, which will be outlined in Linking Words
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, there are a few reasons why society has an idea that public property should be spent on the medication of ill Linking Words
people
. One of the main reasons is that, in terms of treatment, the investment of the Use synonyms
government
in medical facilities or hospitals is critical to patients, especially those who can not afford their operations. It means that the authority should create a welfare policy for serious diseases Use synonyms
such
as cancer or cardiovascular, which require a large cost for treatments. Linking Words
As a result
, many Linking Words
people
can have access to treatment. Another reason is that vaccination for some diseases requires financial support from the Use synonyms
government
. To illustrate, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the fee for vaccinating against the COVID-19 virus is free for citizens thanks to public money; Use synonyms
Consequently
, the effect of the virus has decreased as more than 80% of citizens have been vaccinated.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the idea that public wealth should be spent more on promoting a healthy lifestyle for society Linking Words
also
has many benefits. The first factor that earns my support is that the improvement of good health is relatively cheaper than cure in several cases. Linking Words
For instance
, campaigns and propaganda to encourage the citizens to live healthier should be broadcast on television and other forms of media. Another factor is that investment in public infrastructure should be given more attention. In fact, parks and sports centres should be built more so that residents can come and exercise regularly. Linking Words
Hence
, the rate of Linking Words
people
getting sick would decrease and the resistance is better. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, another factor is that many medical conditions are the direct result of unhealthy habits leading to chronic disorders Linking Words
such
as obesity, insomnia, or cancer. Linking Words
Additionally
, health promotion and disease prevention initiatives can produce greater long-term social impacts.
In conclusion, there is no denying that both opinions are well-grounded. In my opinion, the metropolitan should be aware of a healthy lifestyle, and the investment of the patients from the Linking Words
government
should be a high priority.Use synonyms
Submitted by namle.ivce on
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task response
The essay addresses both the argument for spending on treatment of ill people and the argument for promoting a healthy lifestyle. However, it could benefit from a clearer stance on the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but the transition between the introduction and the body paragraphs could be more explicit. Additionally, the body paragraphs could be more purposefully linked to each other to strengthen coherence.
lexical resource
The essay utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, including specific terms related to healthcare and government spending. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise and advanced to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and varied sentence patterns. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and errors in subject-verb agreement that could be revised for greater accuracy.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.