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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zeland between 1901 and 2101

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zeland between 1901 and 2101
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zeland
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The provided line graph illustrated information about variations in the
birth
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 and
death
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rates
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 in New
Zeland
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Zealand
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 from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
death
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rates
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 stood a
steady
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steadily
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 rising trend during the given time, whilst the
birth
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rates
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witnessd
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witnessed
 a fluctuated period between 1901 and 2101.
According to
Linking Words
 the data shown in the diagram, the
birth
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rates
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 skyrocketed at
sixty five
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sixty-five
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thousands
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thousand
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 in 1961 and decreased sharply from 1970 to 1981. After uplifting
around
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for around
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 a decade, they kept falling
during
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from
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 1991 to 2021 and
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced another
increasing
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increase
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 for ten years till 2011.
However
Linking Words
, the prediction of the dropping
rates
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 will remain
nearly
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for nearly
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 70 years until 2101.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
death
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rates
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 had a considerable growth over the period, which were anticipated to exceed the
birth
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rates
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 after 2041 and will hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
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upward until 2101, even reaching approximately sixty
thousands
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thousand
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. As was demonstrated in the line graph, it can be apparently seen the
death
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rates
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 were expected to overtake the
birth
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rates
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 in New
Zeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
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 in 2041
although
Linking Words
 they were at lower sites in the previous 140 years.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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