IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Reserarch show that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. what is the causes of this ? what can be done ?

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There are two kinds of
activities
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 that are healthy and unhealthy, but millions of individuals practice bad
activities
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such
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 as watching movies or playing video games. I will explain why many
people
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 prefer unhealthy
activities
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 more than healthy
activities
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 and some solutions for
this
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 problem. The main reason is most unhealthy
activities
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 do not need
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effort
Change the article
the effort
show examples
 to do and there is enjoyment, unlike healthy
activities
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 which require physical
effort
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.
Therefore
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, a large number of
people
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 do these
activities
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such
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 as watching movies do not require physical
effort
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, it would require only the internet and smart devices.
In addition
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, the other cause is the lack of information about types of healthy
activities
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such
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 as swimming and playing football. Many
people
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 do not know what activity fit them and some individuals do not feel enjoyment when doing some healthy
activities
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. There is not a lot of information about good
activities
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 and bad
activities
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 not
need
Wrong verb form
needing
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 the
effort
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 to do these
activities
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 contributes to a decrease number of
people
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 who do not like healthy
activities
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. Healthy
activities
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 should be enjoyable for
people
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. Most
people
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 prefer
activities
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 that are more enjoyable and they spend a lot of time doing these
activities
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. So governments ought to find solutions to
this
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 issue, form
this
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 solution is make it
enjoyment
Replace the word
enjoyable
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, Governments should provide information about the kinds of healthy
activities
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such
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 as sports
activities
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. They ought to support these
activities
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 that play an important role in healthy
people
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. They support these
activities
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 by spreading data about how to correct practice and establishing
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for these
activities
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 that include equipment tools, and specialists. In conclusion,
activities
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 are divided into two types healthy and unhealthy, most
people
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 do unhealthy
activities
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 because of the lack of data about healthy
activities
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, and it is not enjoyable.
Hence
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, governments should support healthy
activities
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 and make more enjoyable
activities
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.

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task achievement
Try to use more detailed and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, you could provide specific cases where people choose unhealthy activities over healthier ones and the impact of such choices.
task achievement
It's important to elaborate more on the solutions provided. Explain how making healthy activities enjoyable can be practically achieved and give concrete examples of successful initiatives or programs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases and words can improve coherence and help the essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
It might be helpful to structure your paragraphs better. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that highlights the main point of that paragraph and ensure all sentences within the paragraph support that main point.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
You have identified and discussed both causes and solutions, which is good for a balanced response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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