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Band 7

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #life #luck
Achieving aims in life is not mainly determined by
luck
.
While
luck
 may have some influence, it is not the primary factor in determining
success
. Hard work, determination, and strategic planning are crucial in achieving one's
goals
.
Therefore
, I strongly disagree that it is a determining factor for
success
. First and foremost, hard work and determination play an important role in achieving our
goals
.
Although
luck
 can sometimes open doors, it is persistent efforts that help us overcome them successfully. Take
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, a diligent student who spends a lot of time studying.
Such
 a student is more likely to excel academically, regardless of
luck
 or not. Working hard not only creates opportunities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 maximizes our chances of
success
. It is essential to have a clear plan and set realistic
goals
 to make the most of the opportunities that
luck
 can give us.
Furthermore
, acquiring knowledge and skills through education and experience will greatly enhance our prospects for
success
.
While
luck
 may give
an
Correct pronoun usage
us an
show examples
 early advantage, it is our pursuit of knowledge and expertise that sustains progress in the long run. Consider the case of a professional athlete endowed with natural talent.
However
, it is their unwavering dedication to constant training and improvement that truly sets them apart and makes them special. No matter how lucky we are, it is our dedication, perseverance, and constant growth that will ultimately determine our achievement.
To sum up
,
luck
 may play a small role in achieving our
goals
, but it should not be the main factor. Hard work, determination, strategic planning and knowledge acquisition are essential factors for
success
.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, strongly disagreeing with the assertion. The content is well-structured and effectively supports the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, with effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Ensure consistent use of transition words for smoother flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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