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Band 5.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
One of the most
the
Correct article usage
apply
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challenging
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 in our society is the question of who should be responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly
people
. That problem is not just a financial problem,
also
it’s
 a question of what we want in our society for them. In the present essay, I would like to talk about two different ways to cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old
people
’s care but opting more for the government who
it’s
 must be responsible for them.
Firstly
, we have to keep in mind that the majority of the old
people
 have worked a lot in the past and
due to
this
 fact, the companies which they were working for have to be responsible for their retired employees.
For instance
, most of the workers in Spain
are contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 an amount of their wage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social security to achieve when they will get the age of retirement, an amount that
it’s
Wrong verb form
is
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 called
‘pension’
Correct article usage
a ‘pension’
show examples
 to be able to survive.
This
 quantity always depends on how many hours have you done at your job and how much of your salary have you contributed to
this
 public organization.
On the other hand
, another possibility would be those
people
 who have never worked in a legal way in their life, or
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 they didn’t get at least ‘x’ years, to be able to get paid.
For example
,
it’s
 hard to say but, nowadays we can see a lot of
people
 in the
word
Correct your spelling
world
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 living like
a
Correct article usage
apply
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homeless
people
 when they get old because they don’t have money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 afford
an
Correct article usage
apply
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accommodation or even though their family doesn’t
want
Add the particle
towant
show examples
 take care of them, treating them as a burden
instead
 of as a family.
To sum up
, to be
honest
Add a comma
,honest
show examples
 I must admit that I can’t choose between one of these models because both of them have advantages and drawbacks at the same time.
However
,
overall
, if old
people
 were able to contribute to the economic system,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay for
this
 care.
Submitted by anabeldlcpallaress on

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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