IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reason for this? What are the solutions?

#people #drinks #reason
Today in
this
 fast life humans are prone to take supplements and other sources from which they can get energy
Also
 there are numerous amount of
drinks
 available in the market that can be drunk and get energy from and most of it is sweet
as a result
 there are a lot of people who are addicted to
such
 kinds of drink
due to
 various reasons.
This
 essay intends to discuss the reasons and give solutions for the same.
To begin
 , the sugary taste is liked by all and
therefore
 the companies add the maximum amount of sweetener in all
drinks
 they manufacture.It is said that sugar can give energy and
hence
 drinking a glass of it can make you feel energetic,
Initially
 there were
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
drinks
 in the market
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 had two tastes namely tangy and sweet.Gradually,
due to
 high ,demand the companies started making different sorts of
drinks
 and juices by adding preservatives and sweetness which were accepted by every individual
due to
 their taste.
For instance
,there were only a few beverages like Coke and Fanta, but now there are many more options. On the other ,hand these fizzy
drinks
 have a high amount of additives which are harmful if consumed on a daily basis so there should be various alternatives that can be taken into account that prove less damaging.Fresh and homemade
drinks
such
 as lemonade, and juices have less or negligible amounts of sugar content.Try to avoid all sorts of canned juices and soft
drinks-
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks and drinks
show examples
drinks
 and switch to raw and natural fluids. To summarise, where everything is not natural and has more harmful effects in future when consumed regularly, move towards raw and garden fresh which will have no adverse effects.
Submitted by palshah87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the task question. The ideas are not fully developed or relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence and cohesion are adequate, with some logical structure and supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion need improvement to better address the task question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: