IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #money
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Some people harbour a belief that making money is the only purpose for hard work, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint. I am inclined to stand neutral with the statement since salaries are essential parts of careers but not the only goals. The discussion of the issue
as well as
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 my thoughts will be highlighted in the write-up.
Initially
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, money is not only the primary requirement of a job but
also
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 a direct reward for employees' efforts. Salaries are major financial sources for most people to cope with daily expenses. In order to raise life quality, some employees may exert to raise their income by improving their performance at work. From a corporate perspective, wages are generally associated with personal values in a company.
Although
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 income is not everything, it is the basic right and interest of employment. At the other end of the spectrum, the importance of fulfilling the sense of achievement, existence, self-interests, and so on cannot be denied. Take art fields
for example
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, many artists or writers do not have sufficient financial support and even cannot afford
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 expenditure before gaining public recognition.
However
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, they may still feel satisfied when creating their own masterpieces and wait for the day when dreams come true.
According to
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 the aforementioned, there are apparently other vital factors that motivate individuals to be involved in their careers
besides
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 the earning potential.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that wages play significant roles in one's career path, the considerable effects of mental satisfaction can not be ignored. It is crucial to
striking
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strike
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 a balance between both proportions so as to create long-term benefits.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Monetary gain
  • Passion-driven
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Career progression
  • Professional development
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural values
  • Altruism
  • Positive impact
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal rewards
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Psychological aspects
  • Motivational factors
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