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Band 6.5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

#students #school #money
There is a common
problem
 among high
school
 graduates these days where
students
 are leaving
school
 without any knowledge or skill in personal
money
 management.
This
 essay will outline a
number
 of reasons for
this
 trend and a
number
 of possible solutions to help tackle the issue.
Firstly
, one of the main causes of
this
problem
 is that the majority of high
school
students
 live with their
parents
 and are completely financially dependent upon them. Most
students
 do not need to work to earn
money
while
 at high
school
, as their
parents
 pay for all their needs, and
therefore
 do not gain any understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the realities of earning and saving
money
. Usually, the only
money
 that
students
 receive is from their
parents
 and
this
 is typically in the form of
pocket-
Correct your spelling
pocket money
show examples
money
, which is given with the intent of it being spent.
Therefore
, young people only really learn how to spend
money
, and not how to earn, save or manage it wisely.
However
, there are a
number
 of viable solutions to help
students
 deal with
this
problem
.
Firstly
, basic
money
 management skills could be included as a compulsory subject for
students
 in their high
school
 years, which would help equip them with the knowledge and skills to manage their own personal finances when they leave
school
, move out of home and enter employment. The second possible step that could be taken to help curb
this
problem
 is through education at home.
Parents
 need to take responsibility to make sure that their children are adequately educated in
such
 matters to ensure their children maintain a successful and independent financial situation after graduating and leaving home. In conclusion,
although
money
 management is a
problem
 for a lot of
school
 leavers, there are a
number
 of viable solutions to counteract
this
problem
.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear response to the topic. However, integrating specific examples or anecdotes could strengthen the task achievement further.
coherence cohesion
Connect your points even more fluidly by using a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and precise introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are well-developed and logically structured. Each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
The essay completely addresses the prompt by identifying reasons for the issue and providing viable solutions.
task achievement
The main points are clear and well-supported, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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