Those who practice traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

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Some traditional
medicines
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,
such
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as acupuncture and herbal
remedies
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can indeed improve health.
However
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,
this
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essay disagrees that these conventional
remedies
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outweigh current
medicines
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because of lacking short-term treatment and specific inspection. One primary reason is that traditional
remedies
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cannot have instantaneous improvement.
For instance
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, some periods of herbal treatment need a long-term, approximately between two and four weeks.
Conversely
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, modern
medicines
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like antibiotics only need 3 days, with
this
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advantage, the number of current
medicines
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are
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is
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increased considerably. Another significant reason is that some diseases cannot be detected by traditional
treatments
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. A typical example
such
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as
cancer
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, It is true that traditional doctors cannot diagnose
cancer
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or utilize acupuncture and herbs to treat it.
Although
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these measures indeed alleviate the pain of patients, they cannot help patients recover and prevent deterioration.
However
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, modern medical technology
such
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as radiative
treatments
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can effectively address
cancer
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, thereby destroying it.
As a result
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, it is visible that modern
medicines
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outweigh conventional
remedies
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.
While
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radiative
treatments
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still have some drawbacks
such
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as cell damage, it has significantly improved or even overcome
cancer
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-related diseases.
On the other hand
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, many medical companies have sold various
medicines
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to prevent creases or help humans maintain a healthy body. With cutting-edge medical technology, the distance between traditional and current
medicines
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will gradually be enlarged.
To sum up
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,
while
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conventional
treatments
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have positive effects on health, they lack certain vital factors
such
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as a short-term period of remedy. At the same time, diseases like
cancer
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cannot be addressed by acupuncture and herbal
remedies
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.
In contrast
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, modern
medicines
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have an effective
cancer
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treatment and can improve health simultaneously.
As a result
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,
this
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essay disagrees that traditional medicine outweighs current
remedies
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.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are supported with detailed and relevant examples. Providing more specific evidence or case studies can enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs with clear transition phrases to enhance coherence. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
general
Work on ensuring varied sentence structures and employing a wider range of vocabulary to improve overall readability and engagement.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and effectively argues the point with multiple reasons.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and present a clear overview of the essay’s argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically arranged and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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