Those who practice traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

Some traditional
medicines
,
such
as acupuncture and herbal
remedies
can indeed improve health.
However
,
this
essay disagrees that these conventional
remedies
outweigh current
medicines
because of lacking short-term treatment and specific inspection. One primary reason is that traditional
remedies
cannot have instantaneous improvement.
For instance
, some periods of herbal treatment need a long-term, approximately between two and four weeks.
Conversely
, modern
medicines
like antibiotics only need 3 days, with
this
advantage, the number of current
medicines
are
Change the verb form
is
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increased considerably. Another significant reason is that some diseases cannot be detected by traditional
treatments
. A typical example
such
as
cancer
, It is true that traditional doctors cannot diagnose
cancer
or utilize acupuncture and herbs to treat it.
Although
these measures indeed alleviate the pain of patients, they cannot help patients recover and prevent deterioration.
However
, modern medical technology
such
as radiative
treatments
can effectively address
cancer
, thereby destroying it.
As a result
, it is visible that modern
medicines
outweigh conventional
remedies
.
While
radiative
treatments
still have some drawbacks
such
as cell damage, it has significantly improved or even overcome
cancer
-related diseases.
On the other hand
, many medical companies have sold various
medicines
to prevent creases or help humans maintain a healthy body. With cutting-edge medical technology, the distance between traditional and current
medicines
will gradually be enlarged.
To sum up
,
while
conventional
treatments
have positive effects on health, they lack certain vital factors
such
as a short-term period of remedy. At the same time, diseases like
cancer
cannot be addressed by acupuncture and herbal
remedies
.
In contrast
, modern
medicines
have an effective
cancer
treatment and can improve health simultaneously.
As a result
,
this
essay disagrees that traditional medicine outweighs current
remedies
.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are supported with detailed and relevant examples. Providing more specific evidence or case studies can enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs with clear transition phrases to enhance coherence. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
general
Work on ensuring varied sentence structures and employing a wider range of vocabulary to improve overall readability and engagement.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and effectively argues the point with multiple reasons.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and present a clear overview of the essay’s argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically arranged and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument.

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