IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Research shows that children who do not have a healthy diet often also have a poor diet when they are adults. What do you think causes this? What is the best way to encourage children to eat more healthily?

#research #children #diet #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The majority of
children
Use synonyms
 who grow up with a poor diet become unhealthy grown-ups. I believe it is the poor habits of their parents that affect their whole life. Parents are the ones that influence their
children
Use synonyms
 the most. Poor parental
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 patterns will become the most difficult factor in changing the eating habits of their
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the US, there are lots of people who regularly eat fast
food
Use synonyms
. They always take their kids to fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants at the weekends in their childhood. Because
children
Use synonyms
 grow up in
this
Linking Words
 way, there is a great possibility that they will suffer from obesity later in life.
Although
Linking Words
 some
children
Use synonyms
 grow up in a family that has poor eating patterns and it is hard to change the situation, we should still help the younger generation to eat more healthily. I believe the best way to encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to live a healthy life is to set up a great for
children
Use synonyms
 to follow. Popular elite athletes would be the best new samples because
children
Use synonyms
 dream of becoming as cool as them. The athletes could help the government promote the idea of keeping a healthy diet at school. Meanwhile, they should restrict the student cafeteria and avoid delivering from serving too much unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fried dishes. The authorities should
also
Linking Words
 subsidise the cost of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 prices, so fast
food
Use synonyms
 will no longer be the only choice for lower-income families.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the bad parenting leads to the poor diet of their
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the best way to solve the problem is to set up a new good sample for
children
Use synonyms
 to follow
while
Linking Words
 improving the school cafeteria system.
Submitted by BeckyJ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: