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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Tourists damage many historical places, making them harder to preserve. What are some of the reasons for this? Suggest some ways to resolve this problem.

It is true that there are a lot of tourists who damage historical places.
While
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this
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 is a serious problem, I suggest it can be solved by giving proper education to
travellers
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 and expanding the number of
guards
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 on the sites. One of the main reasons is
people
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 get excited when traveling and they tend to forget the importance of the historical significance.
Travellers
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 often outskirt the regulation or put much less caution and care.
For instance
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,
people
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 sometimes go into the area to take some photos or selfies where it is prohibited to enter even if there is a sign. The second reason for
that is
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 the lack of responsibility for preserving the archaic stuff. They might not have learned of history or cannot remember since they were not interested in the historical subject.
However
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, there are solutions to
this
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 problem. One is increasing the number of
guards
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 to physically protect.
Guards
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also
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 inform
people
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 whether they can intake food in some specific area or let them know where the trash can is. It will significantly lower the rate of damage and make
people
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 more cautious. On top of that, organizing comprehensive educational programs for tourists right just before entering and
a
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apply
show examples
consistent audio broadcasting during the sightseeing are needed. After building a sense of responsibility,
travellers
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 will be less likely to commit violations.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 a lot of historical sights are still struggling with damage issues from
travellers
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.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly believe that focusing on the number of
guards
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 and extra education programs could be a key to solving
this
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 problem.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to illustrate points. For instance, mention particular historical sites known for tourist damage.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although the essay is generally cohesive, linking phrases or sentences between the introduction, body, and conclusion could enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies two key reasons for tourist damage to historical sites and proposes two corresponding solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Points are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason or solution.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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