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Writing Samples
Band 6

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all chops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or Disagree

#growth #chops #towns #cities
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Technology plays an integral role in our lives. No one can deny the fact that the local
market
Use synonyms
 will shut down in the future
due to
Linking Words
 the online
market
Use synonyms
 becoming more popular. I am inclined to disagree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and several arguments support my perspectives, which will be elaborated in on forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the development of online shopping can lead to reduced number of job opportunities in the developing world.
In other words
Linking Words
, the majority of the young generation is suffering from unemployment which is rapidly growth as compared to the past decades.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they do not complete their basic needs without not having proper income
For example
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, recent research has shown that the company owners try to use e-commerce
while
Linking Words
 using lower staff, meanwhile, it is linked with a decrease in Jobs.
Therefore
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, the offline markets should be established as with online
shops
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, some customers have had bad experiences when purchasing products online. In
this
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 case, they received the wrong products with the wrong measurements.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
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, people can not able to return if it does not match with ordered items. But the people who engage with offline
shops
Use synonyms
 can be able to return items when it comes to knowing the damage or wrong size it has.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
, Some areas do not have a proper network connection, to deal with online. so Physical
Shops
Use synonyms
 must be available everywhere. To round Off, the physical
market
Use synonyms
 should be replaced again
such
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 as e-commerce. In conclusion, I disagree and it is based on Several arguments that online
shops
Use synonyms
 make in reducing job positions and some people deal with bad experiences
due to
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 the lack of network systems
as well as
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 Poor attachment to e-commerce collections.
As a result
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 of
this
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, I believe both the physical
market
Use synonyms
 and the online
market
Use synonyms
 should be gone
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same way. It is very important to take several benefits
while
Linking Words
 shopping
Submitted by shainikellapatha on

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Coherence and cohesion
Improve the use of cohesive devices to better connect ideas throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure all aspects of the essay prompt are fully addressed, and provide more comprehensive examples to support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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