IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all chops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or Disagree

#growth #chops #towns #cities
Technology plays an integral role in our lives. No one can deny the fact that the local
market
 will shut down in the future
due to
 the online
market
 becoming more popular. I am inclined to disagree with
this
 phenomenon and several arguments support my perspectives, which will be elaborated in on forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the development of online shopping can lead to reduced number of job opportunities in the developing world.
In other words
, the majority of the young generation is suffering from unemployment which is rapidly growth as compared to the past decades.
As a result
 of
this
, they do not complete their basic needs without not having proper income
For example
, recent research has shown that the company owners try to use e-commerce
while
 using lower staff, meanwhile, it is linked with a decrease in Jobs.
Therefore
, the offline markets should be established as with online
shops
.
Moreover
, some customers have had bad experiences when purchasing products online. In
this
 case, they received the wrong products with the wrong measurements.
In addition
 to
this
, people can not able to return if it does not match with ordered items. But the people who engage with offline
shops
 can be able to return items when it comes to knowing the damage or wrong size it has.
Apart from
this
, Some areas do not have a proper network connection, to deal with online. so Physical
Shops
 must be available everywhere. To round Off, the physical
market
 should be replaced again
such
 as e-commerce. In conclusion, I disagree and it is based on Several arguments that online
shops
 make in reducing job positions and some people deal with bad experiences
due to
 the lack of network systems
as well as
 Poor attachment to e-commerce collections.
As a result
 of
this
, I believe both the physical
market
 and the online
market
 should be gone
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same way. It is very important to take several benefits
while
 shopping
Submitted by shainikellapatha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and cohesion
Improve the use of cohesive devices to better connect ideas throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure all aspects of the essay prompt are fully addressed, and provide more comprehensive examples to support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: