IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people spend a lot of money attending cultural or sports events. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

#people #money #sports #events
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Both
sports
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 and cultural
programs
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 are influenced to adapt human brain stimulation for any circumstance. Some individuals believe that spending a large amount of
money
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 on
sports
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 and social events is a positive thing,
while
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 others do not.
This
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 essay describes the pros and cons from the perspective of my experience. In the beginning,
sports
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 activities play a significant role in keeping the body fit
as well as
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 entertainment.
For
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this
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 reason, youngsters are more inclined to participate in different sorts of games,
such
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 as cricket, football, badminton, hockey, the Olympics, etc.
For example
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, I have been fascinated with cricket games since my boyhood.
Due to
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this
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 reason, I  devoted
money
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 to buying cricket materials like bats, balls, stamps, shoes, dresses, globs, etc. Though I did not have much
money
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, I took
money
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 from my parents. In fact,
i
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I
show examples
also
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 inspired my friends to invest funds for collecting
sports
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 things. After all,
this
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 physical activity involved us increasing our leadership quality and building social relationships.
Besides
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, some inhabitants expand their cultural knowledge by practising habits in some national
programs
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. Indeed, they disburse an affluent number of investments in traditional festivals to survive the cultural activities.
In contrast
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, some scholars think that a large amount of
money
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 is not necessary to spend on
sports
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 and cultural affairs. Because if they expend more
money
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 in these sectors, they will not aid in other fundamental tasks that exaggerate individuals' lifestyles in society.
For instance
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, the country of Qatar spent a large amount of funds to construct eight temporary football stadiums for the Football World Cup 2022. But in reality, they squandered less
money
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 from an educational quality development perspective.
As a result
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, some regions have neglected to improve their educational skills development sectors.
In addition
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, excess funding for cultural
programs
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 is a negative outcome for developing countries. In conclusion, spending on
sports
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 and cultural affairs positively outweighs the negative aspects. Younger people stay balanced when they participate in regular
sports
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 and cultural
programs
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 for a healthy society.
Submitted by jonahid.stu20ju on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and is generally relevant to the task. However, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the pros and cons to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a good logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the connection between some ideas could be improved with more cohesive devices (e.g., transition words, linking phrases) to enhance the flow of the essay.
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