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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #abouth #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The graph illustrates the information about the rate of people that live in cities among four nations from Asia,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are
Philippines
Use synonyms
,
Malaysia
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,
Thailand
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 and
Indonesia
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, during the period from 1970 to 2020 and the forecasts for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the graph that the percentage of the
population
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 of all four areas increased in the 50-year period, and it is predicted to be upward in 2030 and 2040.
Malaysia
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 has the highest proportion of
city
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 residents compared to the others. In 1970, around 30% of the
population
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 of
Malaysia
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 and
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 lived in the
city
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, the figure for
Malaysia
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 increased to more than 70% in 2020,
while
Linking Words
 the
Philippines
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 had fluctuated between 30% and 50%.
Thailand
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 and
Indonesia
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 had nearly 20% and more than 10% of their
population
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 in cities in 1970, respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
's
city
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population
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 rocketed and reached about 60% in 2020,
while
Linking Words
Thailand
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 had reached only about 30%. The figures for four countries are all predicted to grow by 2040. The percentage of
city
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 residents in
Malaysia
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 will be the highest, more than 80%
and
Correct word choice
apply
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followed by
Indonesia
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 at around 60%. In
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and
Thailand
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, the proportion of people living in the
city
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 will be about 50% and 45%, respectively.
Submitted by tu.diepminh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines, malaysia, thailand, indonesia, population, city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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