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Band 2.5

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives， but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to overcome it？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives， #it？
In
this
 contemporary epoch, lots of
people
 want to
wisely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
distribute their
time
 to work or do their own things,
however
, only
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 small number of them achieve
this
 aim.
This
 has become a hot spot to discuss,
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
 essay will talk about
this
 issue and
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 my perspective of how to solve
this
 problem. The first reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 is most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 don’t have the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to really dominate their own
time
, those who want to balance their
time
 need to
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to have certain skills to deal with
this
 issue, The distribution of their
time
 is actually a really rare talent to be born with, as the research,
this
 actually is the result of scientific after-born education. To solve
this
 issue,
people
 have to take some relevant
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
 to master
this
 skill. The second reason is nowadays
people
 are stressed out, especially in developing countries, citizens have almost no
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to do things they like.
Works
Fix the agreement mistake
Work
show examples
 and transportation almost
fills
Change the verb form
fill
show examples
 their every day.
Additionally
, the increasing demands and expectations from employers and society as a whole
also
 contribute to the imbalance between work and personal life. Many
people
 feel pressured to constantly work longer hours, take on more responsibilities, and achieve professional success at the expense of their well-being and relationships.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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