Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
Some societies are racing to be wealthy because they assume that
money
is an important thing to be joyful. Meanwhile, others believe that getting bliss is not about money
. In my opinion, many people have their own ways of happiness
, and some of them do not require money
.
Although
having money
brings joy to some societies, I disagree with that since people without money
still can be happy. Take for example
a developed country, most of its citizens would agree that the citizens of a developing country will be more satisfied rather than them because they have a strong connection between each part of the families. Thus
, the developed countries will not be happier than the developing countries.
Many possible chances to achieve happiness
without spending cash. Firstly
, some communities nowadays love hanging out with their friends and family because it will increase their knowledge by talking to each other at the park to see the sunset. Secondly
, spending time in public places can be joyful, and no need to pay any penny. In some countries; For instance
, the government is not charging their museum visitor, and it will be an option as a pleasure. Therefore
, it is not everlasting that money
will always be means as the key to happiness
.
Rather than being stressed by getting money
to achieve joy; in conclusion, the communities have to find a way to get happiness
. They may communicate with their friends and family or visit some local places in a city. I believe that being rich is the key to being happy, but many choices for people to enjoy the world.Submitted by re.li on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting arguments. The relationship between your ideas could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to clarify the connections between different points.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details. The use of examples is good, but they need to be more fully developed to support your arguments effectively.