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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, the differences in ages between parents and children are greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, it has become a norm that the ageing population spikes at a staggering speed, particularly in developed countries.
Thus
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, the age gaps between
parents
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 and children are enlarged by the phenomena, and I personally believe that the progress will contribute more benefits to a household. In the essay, I will elucidate my reasons in more detail and give my own opinions. First and foremost, it is evident that delaying child-bearing provides opportunities for
parents
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 to have higher education and better job positions.
For instance
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, if a mother has to raise a child in her early 20s, it could be very difficult for her to enrol in a university or to pursue career success.
Besides
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, having a kid at a young age could possibly cause financial issues that could be detrimental to both
parents
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 and their babies.
Furthermore
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, when a family can not take care of their own youngster, the government will be required to be involved and use considerable resources to tackle these problems.
On the other hand
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, individuals who choose to have their offspring when they are well prepared can offer a mature mind and sufficient wealth to support them. Obviously, when age grows, citizens will foster more comprehensive empathy toward others, including the young ones. In
this
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 way, kids may be educated with love and understanding in their early stages. From another perspective, elder citizens usually hold greater wealth since they have more time to work hard and acquire achievement.
Therefore
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, it seems older
parents
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 can give economic security and support to their children. In conclusion,
due to
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 the reasons listed above, it is my viewpoint that the
overall
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 advantages actually overshadow the negativities. Most importantly, people should review their own situation, both financially and physically, and
then
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 decide whether to have kids in an early life.

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Task Response
Task Response: The introduction and conclusion are present, but the link between the advantages of the development and the differences in ages between parents and children is not clearly established. Ensure that the essay addresses the question directly and maintains a clear focus on the advantages and disadvantages of the development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure and supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is clearly linked to the central argument will improve overall coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: Good use of vocabulary and language to express ideas. However, there is room for improvement, particularly in the use of more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision and fluency in expression.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and shows overall control of grammar. However, attention to detail with sentence structures and complexity will further enhance grammatical range.
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