IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
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Certain individuals believe that living in large cities is not good for the community's
health
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. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the given statement and I will elaborate on it in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, Nowadays, numerous
people
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 use devices in their lives.
Also
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, most citizens have a car more than one.
As a result
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,
this
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 situation makes air pollution worse.
For example
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, today plenty of folks live in huge cities
due to
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 job opportunities and comfort.
Hence
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, they buy a car for their commute and for their family. So, on the road, countless cars and most vehicles are powered by fossil fuels so a lot of emits are released into the sky and contaminate the air and for most citizens who live in large cities, their
health
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 gets worse.
Moreover
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, substances like the water or near rivers contaminate which leads to a threat to
health
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.
Furthermore
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, if you live in a huge
city
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, there are numerous constructed buildings there, that make very lousy noises which causes much stress and leads to
people
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's mental and physical
health
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.
For instance
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, In South Korea, the biggest
city
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 is named Seoul and half of the Koreans live, so every day motorway is always busy and stuck.
Consequently
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, many vehicles makes a lot of noise some folks cannot open their window
cause
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because
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 of
this
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.
In addition
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, a portion of studies show that if
people
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 keep living in
this
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 situation it leads to various cancers more than in rural communities. In conclusion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement. Living in an urban area is comfortable because that
city
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 has a multitude of facilities.
Conversely
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, a mega
city
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also
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 has ecological problems that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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 affect human
health
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. So, we should try to be concerned about natural pollution and that will be good not only for
people
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 but
also
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 for our lives.
Submitted by livewire53 on

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Your essay demonstrates some issues with task response, coherence, and cohesion. The language and ideas need to be more developed for better communication of the intended message. Make sure to provide clearer examples and support for your points, and focus on organizing the essay in a more logical structure.
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