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Writing Samples
Band 6

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
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Living abroad can cause some social and practical
problems
 because of using a foreign
language
while
 both of these
problems
 can be important at the same level. I agree with
this
 matter that both of these
problems
 are important
as well as
 each
one
. On the
one
 hand, living in a foreign
country
 can cause some social issues like finding new
friends
.
One
 of the most challenging activities for
people
 who immigrate to another
country
 is finding new
friends
. Because of speaking
as well as
 native speakers, it is so hard for
people
 who speak
this
language
 as a second
language
. They cannot say the things that they want as fluently as they think.
For example
,
one
 of my
friends
 in high school came from Iraq and wanted to take part in our community because she was alone and did not have any
friends
 she could not speak with us as fast as we could and took a long time she could make friendship relation with us.
On the other hand
, Finding a job is hard for
people
 who do not speak their mother languages.
One
 of the practical
problems
 for immigrant
people
 is finding a job to pay their costs. For those
people
 who want to work with a second
language
, there are some challenges and stress. Because they cannot speak about so many aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their workplace. So they may not find a job which has a good salary.
However
, there are some
people
 who do have not many issues with speaking in a foreign
language
. Some
people
 who prepare for their immigration before going to another
country
 do not have many issues. When these
people
 learn the
language
 of the the
country
 to which they want to go, they will be
convince
Wrong verb form
convinced
show examples
themselves.
For example
,
one
 of my classmates started learning the German
language
 before he went to Germany and had a really good experience because he was accepted by
people
 and society in Germany.
However
, I disagree with
this
 statement because there are a few
people
 who had
such
 an experience. In the bottom line,
although
 there are some
people
 who did not have many serious
problems
 with living in a foreign
country
, there are many
people
 who experienced a hard period in their social and practical life.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument by providing clear examples and explanations. While you've provided examples, they could be more specific and relevant at times.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more structured argument. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to signal shifts in ideas, comparisons, and contrasts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a framework for your argument.
task achievement
You attempted to use examples to support your main points, which helps to strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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