IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

This one beby, The world’s air pollution levels are rising year on year. What are the most pressing causes and effects of this disturbing trend?

#beby #world’s #air #pollution #levels #year #effects #trend
Nowadays, The globe’s atmospheric
pollution
Add a missing verb
has
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 dramatically. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the use of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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and
Correct article usage
the
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increasing of people
in
Change preposition
apply
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using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
 to commute are two main causes. These factors will lead to poor
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
air
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 globally which contribute to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 and human
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain the
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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two causes of pouring
air
condition
 and the impact on our
environment
 and human
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. The primary cause of poor
air
condition
 in the
world
 is the overwhelming
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 globally. Many sectors in human life
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 fossil
fuel
 as a primary energy resource.
For example
, industry sectors
such
 as food , automobile and textile factories,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 petrol or coal as the energy for production. In
this
 process
Add a comma
,
show examples
zillion of
carbon
 dioxide and methane are emitted to the atmosphere. Take housewives in using coals as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
energy for cooking as another sample. They
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
air
pollution
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
resulting
carbon
Change preposition
from carbon
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 from their cooking process. The second main cause is
using
Wrong verb form
the use
show examples
 of private
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 in commuting. Based on the data from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 government, every year
this
 country
donated
Wrong verb form
donates
show examples
 25 %
carbon
 footprint from using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
. If every country in the
world
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 for commuting it will be
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect to our planet and will decrease the quality of oxygen in the
world
 Many drawback
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 will occur
as a result
 of deprived
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
condition
, especially for our
environment
 and human wellbeing. Global warming is the main problem as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impact of
air
pollution
. the temperature and climate in the
world
 will be changed and ice in the polar of
earth
Add an article
the earth
show examples
 will melt which make
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 surface increase over the
world
. we will disappear of many islands which are located surrounding the sea. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the human
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
, the rising of the temperature and the overwhelming of
carbon
 dioxide contribute to many diseases in
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. One of which is
pulmonal
Correct your spelling
pulmonary
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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such
 as infection of respiratory acute and chronic, cancer lung
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 so on.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will contribute to decreasing of quality of life and death among children and infants.
Hence
, the more
carbon
 emission is emitted the more disadvantages for our health and
environment
 we will get. In conclusion, there are many factors contributing to the
world
’s
air
pollution
 levels in the
world
, two of which are the use of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overwhelming
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of private
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 for commuting.
This
 will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global warming
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 among children and
decreasing of
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 human wellbeing
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. An effective essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a single main point, and a concise conclusion summarizing the key points and restating the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are present, but they are not effectively executed. The introduction should clearly outline the issues to be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information. Consider refining these sections for greater impact and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are identified but are not well-supported with strong arguments or clear examples. You should ensure that each main point is elaborated on with a clear explanation and supported by specific and relevant examples that reinforce the argument.
Task Achievement
The response covers the task only partially, with some aspects of the prompt not fully addressed. Ensure that all parts of the task are discussed in sufficient detail to provide a complete answer to the question.
Task Achievement
While some ideas are clear, the overall comprehensiveness of the essay can be improved. Aim to develop each point thoroughly with additional details and more nuanced arguments to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant but lack specificity and depth. It is crucial to include detailed and specific examples to substantiate your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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