IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

This one beby, The world’s air pollution levels are rising year on year. What are the most pressing causes and effects of this disturbing trend?

#beby #world’s #air #pollution #levels #year #effects #trend
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Nowadays, The globe’s atmospheric
pollution
Add a missing verb
has
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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 dramatically. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the use of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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and
Correct article usage
the
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increasing of people
in
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apply
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using
of
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apply
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private
automobile
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automobiles
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 to commute are two main causes. These factors will lead to poor
of
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apply
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air
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 globally which contribute to
environment
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environmental
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 and human
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will explain the
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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two causes of pouring
air
condition
 and the impact on our
environment
 and human
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. The primary cause of poor
air
condition
 in the
world
 is the overwhelming
using
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use
show examples
 of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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 globally. Many sectors in human life
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 fossil
fuel
 as a primary energy resource.
For example
, industry sectors
such
 as food , automobile and textile factories,
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 petrol or coal as the energy for production. In
this
 process
Add a comma
,
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zillion of
carbon
 dioxide and methane are emitted to the atmosphere. Take housewives in using coals as
a
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apply
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energy for cooking as another sample. They
are
Verb problem
apply
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also
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
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air
pollution
in
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apply
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resulting
carbon
Change preposition
from carbon
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emission
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emissions
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 from their cooking process. The second main cause is
using
Wrong verb form
the use
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 of private
car
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cars
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 in commuting. Based on the data from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 government, every year
this
 country
donated
Wrong verb form
donates
show examples
 25 %
carbon
 footprint from using
of
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apply
show examples
private
automobile
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automobiles
show examples
. If every country in the
world
using
Wrong verb form
uses
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private
Add an article
a private
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car
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cars
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 for commuting it will be
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 effect to our planet and will decrease the quality of oxygen in the
world
 Many drawback
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
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 will occur
as a result
 of deprived
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
condition
, especially for our
environment
 and human wellbeing. Global warming is the main problem as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impact of
air
pollution
. the temperature and climate in the
world
 will be changed and ice in the polar of
earth
Add an article
the earth
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 will melt which make
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
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 surface increase over the
world
. we will disappear of many islands which are located surrounding the sea. Regarding
to
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apply
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the human
healthy
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health
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, the rising of the temperature and the overwhelming of
carbon
 dioxide contribute to many diseases in
human
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humans
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. One of which is
pulmonal
Correct your spelling
pulmonary
disease
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diseases
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such
 as infection of respiratory acute and chronic, cancer lung
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 so on.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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will contribute to decreasing of quality of life and death among children and infants.
Hence
, the more
carbon
 emission is emitted the more disadvantages for our health and
environment
 we will get. In conclusion, there are many factors contributing to the
world
’s
air
pollution
 levels in the
world
, two of which are the use of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overwhelming
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of private
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 for commuting.
This
 will impact
on
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apply
show examples
global warming
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 among children and
decreasing of
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 human wellbeing
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. An effective essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a single main point, and a concise conclusion summarizing the key points and restating the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are present, but they are not effectively executed. The introduction should clearly outline the issues to be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information. Consider refining these sections for greater impact and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are identified but are not well-supported with strong arguments or clear examples. You should ensure that each main point is elaborated on with a clear explanation and supported by specific and relevant examples that reinforce the argument.
Task Achievement
The response covers the task only partially, with some aspects of the prompt not fully addressed. Ensure that all parts of the task are discussed in sufficient detail to provide a complete answer to the question.
Task Achievement
While some ideas are clear, the overall comprehensiveness of the essay can be improved. Aim to develop each point thoroughly with additional details and more nuanced arguments to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant but lack specificity and depth. It is crucial to include detailed and specific examples to substantiate your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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