It is important to involve punishment when educating children so that they can distinguish right and wrong. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this notion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the development of modernization has brought us plenty of benefits and does not live from hand to mouth like before. The question of whether parents change their tasks from one place to another place is good or not. In my opinion, I can only agree partly with the issue and
this
Linking Words
essay will explore more about the above problem.
First,
Linking Words
we will discuss the negatives. Standing in the people's perspective who witnessed their offspring having less knowledge or no friends to play with them, the cause of the problem is the parents' job. In fact, a multitude of adults are as busy as a bee with their jobs which leads to their offspring becoming indifferent and selfish with everyone who stays around them.
For instance
Linking Words
, some people have jobs, that make them move a lot of time,
as a result
Linking Words
, their children have no friendships in these areas which leads to their physical and mindset development of them will be so badly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we will discuss the positives. Standing in the person's perspective who has the most part of jobs has to move and they know the right way to foster their offspring.
This
Linking Words
can be seen, in a multitude of adults spending a lot of time for that when they move to other cities for a long time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they always follow that through their camera or might converse with them every day on social media background.
For example
Linking Words
, plenty of people go to work in other cities, and they always foster and follow their children through social media like TikTok or Facebook, From that, their children are very happy and have good studying aims. In conclusion, moving too much when we work is positive or negative it depends on the perspective of each individual. We should have the right choices when we choose suitable work.
Besides
Linking Words
, the government should have sustainable, suitable policies that have the purpose of creating a society better and better.
Submitted by phucwhite1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, with disorganized paragraphs and unclear development of ideas. The introduction and conclusion need to be more focused and clearly presented.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task but lacks coherence and cohesion. The points are not developed and connected logically. More specific examples and clear ideas are needed to fully address the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • positive reinforcement
  • negative reinforcement
  • punishment
  • discipline
  • ethics
  • morality
  • self-esteem
  • resentment
  • fear
  • psychological impact
  • balanced approach
  • guidance
  • behavior modeling
  • cultural perspectives
  • strictness
  • dialogue
  • understanding
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • natural consequences
  • accountability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: