Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#violence #media #society

Violence is unquestionably one of the most prevalent and worrying issues in any society, and its prevention should be taken seriously. Undoubtedly, the

media

industry has a valuable impact on

people

's behaviour,

consequently

, I completely agree with the statement that

media

sources

such

as the Internet and television are responsible for the promotion of violent actions.

To begin

with, nowadays social

media

are full of violent content,

therefore

people

simply do not have an opportunity to avoid

this

type of publication. Without a doubt, it is profitable for bloggers to post criminal content

due to

the fact that it brings them hundreds of views.

However

this

trend makes

people

addicted to terrible videos and photos

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and definitely has a horrible impact on

people

's mental health.

For example

, a lot of

people

leave comments under

such

publications that could lead to upcoming conflicts between followers.

Moreover

this

misunderstanding could transfer to real life and bring several negative consequences.

Furthermore

, it is known that modern cartoons demonstrate a lot of fights, wars and offences. Unfortunately, the young brain is not able to recognize these actions and divide them into right and wrong ones,

as a consequence

, the young generation considers violence to be an integral part of our community.

For instance

, hundreds of scientific research have already shown that children who watch

such

episodes in childhood are more likely to commit crimes in the future.

To conclude

, despite varying opinions, I reckon that violence in the

media

could definitely produce analogical problems in society.

Submitted by sofsya.fedorenko.2001 on Tue Aug 29 2023

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task response

Great job in addressing the topic and providing a clear stance on the issue. However, be sure to fully develop and support your ideas to increase the depth of your response.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay shows strong coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction, well-linked ideas, and a solid conclusion. Consider varying your transitional phrases and ensuring the logical flow of your ideas throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is generally effective, but try to incorporate a wider range of academic and formal expressions to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

grammatical range

You demonstrate a good command of grammar and a varied use of sentence structures. However, be mindful of minor errors in subject-verb agreement and use of prepositions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to a friend who will come to your country to work for 6 months. In your letter, you should: •recommend a city •suggest a few jobs that your friend could do •give some opinions about making friends with the locals.

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some students work while studying.This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. what do you think are the cause of this ? what solution can you suggest?