IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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One of the most challenging
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 in our society is the question of who should be responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly
people
Use synonyms
. That problem is not just a financial problem,
also
Linking Words
it’s
Use synonyms
 a question of what we want in our society for them. In the present essay, I would like to talk about two different ways to cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
’s care but opting more for the government who
it’s
Use synonyms
 must be responsible for them.
Firstly
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, we have to keep in mind that the majority of the old
people
Use synonyms
 have worked a lot in the past and
due to
Linking Words
this
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 fact, the companies which they were working for have to be responsible for their retired employees.
For instance
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, most of the workers in Spain
are contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 an amount of their wage to social security to achieve when they will get the age of retirement, an amount that
Use synonyms
it’s
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 called
‘pension’
Correct article usage
a ‘pension’
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 to be able to survive.
This
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 quantity always depends on how many hours have you done at your job and how much of your salary have you contributed to
this
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 public organization.
On the other hand
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, another possibility would be those
people
Use synonyms
 who have never worked in a legal way in their life, or
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
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 they didn’t get at least ‘x’ years, to be able to get paid.
For example
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,
it’s
Use synonyms
 hard to say but, nowadays we can see a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 living like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homeless
people
Use synonyms
 when they get old because they don’t have money
for
Change preposition
to
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 afford
an
Correct article usage
apply
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accommodation or even though their family doesn’t
want
Add the particle
towant
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 take care of them, treating them as a burden
instead
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 of as a family.
To sum up
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, to be
honest
Add a comma
,honest
show examples
 I must admit that I can’t choose between one of these models because both of them have advantages and drawbacks at the same time.
However
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,
overall
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, if old
people
Use synonyms
 were able to contribute to the economic system,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay for
this
Linking Words
 care.
Submitted by anabeldlcpallaress on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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